Gymtober Rings True

I've kept my delusions going, holding on to you for as long as I can. I kept my routine the same, did all the things that made me feel close to you. Listen to your music, watched the shows based in your city that made me feel closer to what you're experiencing. None of it has worked. You're still 2000 miles away, and a million from my heart. I'm notorious for never letting go, and you're just another body to add to the pile I already have going.

You are beautiful and wonderful and reminded me that I am worth knowing and loving. Even more so, that I am more than worth it. However, as they say, timing is everything, and we just didn't and still don't have it. Short lived and long felt. I hate that. I have never really had someone want to be my friend so badly post telling me they no longer have romantic feelings (it's still crazy to me that someone can fight their feelings and actually win, but I think I can;t believe it solely based on the fact that I can never seem to do it because the movies have never taught me how). And I'm not sure I can make the transition. As O-Town so blatantly put it, I want it all or nothing at all. It would be so much easier if I knew you weren't there for me at all any more, but there you are, everyday, making the effort like I've never felt before. That is the hardest part of all. I am so glad you have life priorities, and see the big picture in a way I have never been able to. You understand you have so much life to live and so any places you want to go and you don't even know where you're going to be come this time next year, or even 10 months from now. I couldn't tell you what I'm doing two months from now.

All in all, I know I have to change my routine, change my heart yet again. Mind over matter over you. Thus the name of the month, Gymtober. A dedication to change, no matter how hard it is for me to do so. I want to be able to be your friend, and we have less than three short months until we are in the same city again, and I want to be able to see you and not have my heart break nearly as bad (cuz lets face it, my heart breaking is inevitable). I want to be able to come visit come February, and have it be healthy and happy and friendly. You are the smartest, sweetest person I have ever known and had an undeniable off-the-bat connection with. These are all things that are so hard to ignore. Like how, 3 years ago, you broke up with your girlfriend of two years the week we met, the day we had a hang-sesh planned. I may be looking too hard at that, but I do believe all things happen for a reason. With that, I know all these emotions I am going through with you, they have their purpose. Not that I can see it now, but its there, waiting for me to put the pieces all together, just around the river bend. And whether you're a part of whatever the purpose it, I can only pray.