But then again, I've been told my words are meaningless.

The smartest bit of advice I've gotten through all of this was that no matter how much I want to point blame where I think it's due, I was the one who gave that person the power to hurt me. So no matter what has happened, it has been me who has let it happen to myself. I had control and it was MY choice to give any certain person the space in my heart and mind to hurt me in whatever way they did. So from all this, I strengthen myself.

Sadly, this bit of advice promotes a closing off of emotions, which I will NEVER be able to do, but I do now totally understand even better than I had before at the importance of knowing yourself and the power you hold within. People will forever have the power to hurt us because we are a species based on human interaction, but what I take from all of this is what I have always believed; to live is to love, and when you love, and love passionately, you will hurt. We are always the most critical of the ones we love, because we believe they are better than they really are. People are beyond flawed, and it is hard to let those flaws go when we thing so highly of a person.

It is so much harder than I ever thought, for myself at least, to say the right thing all the time. Oh yeah, right, no one ever always says the right thing, including you. So from here, I forgive those who have said the harshest most hurtful things to me, despite their realization of it. I apologize for the unknown hurtful things I have said. We all will always make mistakes. It is literally impossible to not sin. All I can ask for, as I have for a long time now, is for God to guide me to the right things to say. Not to be in what I say or write, but for Him to lead me to the right combination of words. My words may be few more often than not on such vital situations because I am thoughtful about them. Because I never want to say something in the heat of the moment, in reaction to something, that may hurt far more than intended. I have no desire to ever say any words out of malicious passion for the reason of them being irreversible. HOWEVER, I know I have said or written my fair share of mindless comments, and that does not go unseen or unfelt. It also does not go un-apologized for.

I know I went off on somewhat of a tangent, but as is my mind. Jumping from one side to the other feverishly.