Degradation

I realize I'm the worst kind; a girl who can act confident and outgoing, but inside I am constantly doubting my every action and thought. I lack any shred of self confidence. You can see it in the way I constantly ask for affirmation, hating myself that it is so natural for me to ask for. You can see it in my lack of self control when it comes to certain things, not believing, but acting as though that comfort means more than what it is. I fall into my own traps. You can see it in the way I talk about myself with such ease, cutting people off mid story to relate to them selfishly. You can see it in the way I text when I am drunk. You can see it in the way my heart gets set on something, and when it doesn't work out, or there is any hint of a hiccup in my fantasy plan, I go into a deep downward spiral. I am constantly falling down some sort of rabbit hole, into a world I created.