Consumed With What's To Transpire

I have this problem, one of the biggest downfalls in my life. Its the sin I latch on to and still have not seen completely my demise because of it, but I know just because I don't see it, does not mean that I will not have to eventually reap what I sow. With one (really) good kiss and a fair amount of attention paid, I am somewhat hooked. I want to know more. I want to know everything. I want to know what you feel like, what your style is, and what sounds you make. But thats just the lustful part. The part I know is easier to crack than getting to know your heart or understanding your head, especially hard when It comes to a boy like you. Though that doesn't mean that as much as I want to kiss you again, I also don't want to just sit and pick your brain for hours. Each work with each other to make the other all that much more satisfying.

But with this lust, I know this will never be. Or least least I have to keep telling myself that to help myself keep my distance. To remember to go slow. To help me lay low and let it come to me. To remind myself to listen to what God wants, and let him decide what's next for me. Lust has ruled my relationship before, and anyone who knows me well knows how destructive that was to me, and how destructive it continues to be. I realized that kind of "love" is not something that can be easily forgotten when it gets that intense, and I don't plan on letting things get that way again for a very long time, or at least until I have a promise of a commitment that will last a lifetime.

I've come up with a sort of system for when to bring up that I am way more than just a girl to kiss and tease. No More Than Four. So far I'm at two. But I truly think the thing that will really tell that I need to speak up is if I get invited to another lunch, or two I guess since I'm going for the whole No More Than Four. I am truly doubting that I will get invited again since I was invited by that day last week. Meh. I hate feeling this dumb and girly. All this writing is the way my mind works when I start to kinda sorta talk to someone. Woof I'm ridiculous.

I may not have great flow, but I have a hell of a lot of heart.