We Can't Be In Love Like The Movies

Fell in love with the movie Young Victoria.

I'm such a fuckin softie.

OCD

I really enjoy making lists. Even more filling in other peoples lists and making To Do lists for other people. As dumb and Myspacey as it sounds, when I come across a good fill in list that I can convey myself in, I have this disgusting selfish urge to fill it in, especially when it helps me procrastinate. So here it goes. You don't have to listen.

Sad songs I love:

• When You Come Back Down - Nickel Creek
• I Know You Know - Punch Brothers
• Void - Tristan Prettyman

Favourite meal of the day, month of the year, day of the week:

• Breakfast
• May
• Sunday

My three biggest character flaws:

• Selfish with love.
• Having no self control
• Being too hopeful

Happy songs I love:

• Live To Tell The Tale and/or Let Your Love Grow Tall - Passion Pit
• I've Been Gone A Long Time - Every Time I Die
• Animal Tracks - Mountain Man

Favourite body parts:

• Lips; the expressions that convey with the slightest movement and the things they are capable of.
• Shoulders.
• Rib Cage area.

Dream jobs:

• Fashion Stylist/buyer/merchandiser.
• Candid Photographer
• Food critic

Best sounds:

• The sound of cleats on pavement
• people singing together
• crunching leaves

Things that terrify/fascinate me:

• birth pains
• peoples complete apathy
• The 2012 Obsession

A Change of Attitude

The shift from the way I used to take it all personally and take on the feeling of rejection as a piece of myself to being someone who can let go is taking place! I don't want to get too far ahead of myself an give myself too much credit yet, but I feel the change occurring in me. I've been at the crossroads, seen down each path, and taken the one with far less baggage when I usually try and lug as many emotions as I can down the other path, which by the way is all uphill. The thing is though, that choice was just on a minor issue. Though I was really excited, I wasn't necessarily invested emotionally in this issue. Which makes me fear when other bigger issues come to a divide and I do end up feeling horribly rejected and lead on as the case may be, that I will have a much harder time deciding, and tumble up the wrong path, and end up tangled in the baggage I brought along with me, the emotions I packed while excited for this new adventure.

Catiy really gave me a good lesson in this, her always being busy or forgetting she had prior plan, bless her heart. The whole, 'If I really love this person, I won't get upset because what is that really helping?' I am exceptionally thankful to her for all the life lessons she taught me unintentionally, and for showing me the truest friendship I have ever had, and of course continue to have. Wah wah wah.

Proper.

I wish I had a proper camera. So I could take proper pictures and convey my proper, or sometimes not so, thoughts. Then I feel as thought I could have a proper blog, rather than taking others used pictures, which is not so proper. Perhaps then I could be mention in some other proper blog for my takes on the beauty of proper suburban life. Then be hired to take proper photos for someone else and receive some proper compensation. Maybe make a proper career of it.

But currently, I am properly happy. Especially when I over use proper british words.

Consumed With What's To Transpire

I have this problem, one of the biggest downfalls in my life. Its the sin I latch on to and still have not seen completely my demise because of it, but I know just because I don't see it, does not mean that I will not have to eventually reap what I sow. With one (really) good kiss and a fair amount of attention paid, I am somewhat hooked. I want to know more. I want to know everything. I want to know what you feel like, what your style is, and what sounds you make. But thats just the lustful part. The part I know is easier to crack than getting to know your heart or understanding your head, especially hard when It comes to a boy like you. Though that doesn't mean that as much as I want to kiss you again, I also don't want to just sit and pick your brain for hours. Each work with each other to make the other all that much more satisfying.

But with this lust, I know this will never be. Or least least I have to keep telling myself that to help myself keep my distance. To remember to go slow. To help me lay low and let it come to me. To remind myself to listen to what God wants, and let him decide what's next for me. Lust has ruled my relationship before, and anyone who knows me well knows how destructive that was to me, and how destructive it continues to be. I realized that kind of "love" is not something that can be easily forgotten when it gets that intense, and I don't plan on letting things get that way again for a very long time, or at least until I have a promise of a commitment that will last a lifetime.

I've come up with a sort of system for when to bring up that I am way more than just a girl to kiss and tease. No More Than Four. So far I'm at two. But I truly think the thing that will really tell that I need to speak up is if I get invited to another lunch, or two I guess since I'm going for the whole No More Than Four. I am truly doubting that I will get invited again since I was invited by that day last week. Meh. I hate feeling this dumb and girly. All this writing is the way my mind works when I start to kinda sorta talk to someone. Woof I'm ridiculous.

I may not have great flow, but I have a hell of a lot of heart.

Succulent Wild Women.