So You Know When... Well, I Guess You Wouldn't.

I feel like I am alone in this way of thinking, but maybe someone somewhere out there knows what I mean. I have this habit, you see, that happen when I really want someone to get to know me or I have something important to tell them, or pretty much always, of having a conversation with that person in my head. Sadly, it usually ends up being one sided because I have no clue how the other person is going to respond to what I am telling them. My latest conversation happened in the shower just now, to a particular person about my past interactions with other boys. I was explaining how I don't consider myself a slut because I do not sleep around, nor do I do anything more than kissing in most or all circumstances. The reason I was having that "conversation" is because I am deeply afraid that my past indiscretions will really make an impact on my prospects, though I feel there is very little need for them to be any issue at all, mostly due t the fact that I have only ever "loved" one other person and that has been the only relationship that would end up being an issue. Other than the fact that I am getting totally ahead of myself with feeling like these are things I need to speak about with this certain individual, I realized why i do such things.
It all has to do with my inability to process things as they happen, therefore always wanting to be prepared, and my need to process everything externally, i.g., writing my thoughts down so they are not just swimming around aimlessly in my head.
Anyways, I have had conversations with almost anyone I really cared about, always about some issue I feel they would judge me on, which is somewhat disheartening thinking I am that afraid of the people I love judging me, and me having to explain why I did such-and-such. It is my self-doubt. My downfall. My constant second guessing of every thought I have and every word I speak, which is reason why I feel as though I am constantly making a fool of myself.